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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23496337">Yanking One's Chain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryptovex/pseuds/Cryptovex'>Cryptovex</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Job Satisfaction (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:02:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>770</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23496337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryptovex/pseuds/Cryptovex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thùy &amp; Laviolette Infernal Relations &amp; Research takes on a very strange, luminous client.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Yanking One's Chain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thùy &amp; Laviolette Infernal Relations &amp; Research was winding down an anomalously busy day, mostly revolving around haunted electronics. The Nobles within tended to be fairly tolerable, once freed from the entire internet intruding upon their minds. Sinh and Lemme were conspicuously yawning, and ready to make their relationship much less professional, when a thunderous knock at the door resounded through the house. Lemme grumbled and walked over, hastily rearranging their trousers, while Sinh looked around warily for any structural damage.</p><p>The peephole was thoroughly unhelpful. Lemme only saw an eye-searing blaze and felt something beautifully inscrutable imprinted on their mind. They looked again once the vertigo subsided, and saw a tall, chiseled humanoid seemingly made of semi-molten bronze. They wore a loose sash and tunic with at least four radiant wings awkwardly folded in.</p><p>Lemme recoiled and bolted the door. “I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong address,” they yelled, as they frantically looked around for the least-holy artifact available.</p><p>The angel spoke in a resonant voice tinged with an achingly beautiful melody. “BE NOT AFRAID.”</p><p>“Give me one good reason,” yelped Lemme, hefting a honeypot computer crammed full of infernal malware.</p><p>The angel took a moment to steady themself, and spoke in a less booming voice that relatively passed for a stage whisper. “THERE IS NO MISTAKE. I HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC, PERSONAL PROBLEM. I BELIEVE YOU ARE UNIQUELY POSITIONED TO HELP.”</p><p>“And why would that be?” asked Sinh, trying their best to not look up from their tea.</p><p>“YOU HAVE A STERLING REPUTATION FOR DISCREET PROFESSIONALISM. ALSO, DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT THIS HOUSE IS A <em> CHERNOBYL </em>OF INFERNAL ENERGY SIGNATURES.”</p><p>Lemme lowered the computer slightly. “What’s a Chernobyl?”</p><p>“PARDON, I BELIEVE I AM CONFUSING MY TIMELINES AND/OR TEMPORAL CONTINUITY. THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT. PLEASE HELP ME. YOU MAY BRANDISH AS MANY INFERNAL TOTEMS AS YOU WISH.”</p><p>Lemme opened the door a crack, still barred by chains sizzling with Infernal wards. The angel was clearly straining to suppress their brightness, but the strain was mixed with a far stranger emotional blend. “Okay, what’s going on?”</p><p>“THIS ALL BEGAN WHEN THE TERM ‘NOBLE’ BECAME THE COMMON TERM FOR... OUR COMRADES BELOW. EVERY TIME I HEARD IT, I FELT A FULL-BODY SENSATION OF... POWERFUL AESTHETIC COMPULSION? AND A DEEP HUNGER, BUT NOT IN ANYTHING ANALOGOUS TO A DIGESTIVE TRACT.”</p><p>Lemme nervously nodded along. Sinh sipped their tea and muttered, “Hm, the first example of angelic demonfuckers existing outside of pulp novels. Intriguing.”</p><p>“IT IS NOT EXACTLY THAT. I AM GETTING THERE. I TRIED CONSOLING MYSELF - PERHAPS ‘NOBLE’ WAS ONLY BEING USED IN THE MOST PITIFULLY LOW-RANKING SENSE. THE DUKE OF SOME FORGOTTEN FEUDAL REMNANT, PERHAPS. BUT DWELLING ON THIS ONLY MADE THE FEELING STRONGER.”</p><p>Sinh finally put down their tea and walked over to the door. “...Is this common among your kind?”</p><p>“THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM. WHENEVER I TRIED DISCREETLY DISCUSSING IT WITH A COHORT, THEY LOOKED AT ME LIKE THEY WERE CALCULATING THE BARE MINIMUM OF POWER REQUIRED TO SMITE ME. AND MY KIND IS NOTORIOUSLY BAD AT DECEPTION. I HAVE SURELY SAID FAR TOO MUCH TO THEM ALREADY.”</p><p>Sinh was fully intrigued. “As far as you can tell, <em> none </em>of them have ever lusted for a Noble? That seems, at the very least, statistically unlikely.”</p><p>“PARDON, THE DETAIL ABOUT NOBLES WAS MISLEADING. I BELIEVE THE TRUE SCOPE OF MY PROBLEM IS SOMEWHAT BROADER. ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE GREAT CHAIN OF BEING?”</p><p>Lemme clutched the computer tighter. “I’ve set foot in a church before, yes.”</p><p>“I.... EXPERIENCE AN EMOTION ALMOST CERTAINLY ANALOGOUS TO ‘AROUSAL’ AT THE THOUGHT OF DEFYING IT.”</p><p>Lemme and Sinh took a minute to cycle through stunned silence, disbelief, bursts of laughter, and pondering the implications of it. Finally, Sinh stepped up to the door and said firmly, “We’ll help you pro bono, but with one question. How do we know this isn’t a trap?”</p><p>“FIRSTLY, AS I SAID, MY KIND IS NOTORIOUSLY BAD AT DECEPTION. SECONDLY, I INVOKE THE CRITERION OF EMBARRASSMENT. THIRDLY, YOUR ESTABLISHMENT IS WELL-KNOWN TO MY KIND AND, WHILE CERTAINLY NOT EMBRACED, IT IS TOLERATED FOR BEING A RESPONSIBLE AND WELL-MANAGED SITE OF INFERNAL CONTACT. IF WE WANTED TO CRATERIZE IT, WE WOULD HAVE DONE SO LONG AGO.”</p><p>Sinh raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t have suspected <em> your kind </em> would go for utilitarian harm reduction, but I believe you.” After some deep breaths and unspoken vows, Lemme fully unlocked the door and Sinh gestured to a hardwood chair. “Take a seat, Just don’t <em> touch </em>anything, and bear in mind that we reserve the right to expunge you at will.”</p>
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